I’m getting a divorce.

It hurts.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s the right decision, for a lot of reasons. It still hurts, though. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this and process it and he hasn’t. I’m trying to encourage him to participate in the “separation counseling” that our therapist suggested to help us “let go” of the relationship. He’s still concerned about how much it costs, though, so I’m not sure he’ll decide to go.

It’ll have less of an impact on me, personally, since I have a personal therapist that will help me through this, but I want him to be able to be happy and cope well.

It’s not like I hate him or think he’s a terrible person. He wasn’t abusive toward me or anything like that. It’s just that I’m a completely different person than I was, and he’s not someone who I can see myself with anymore.

What I’ve really discovered about myself is that I have always had a problem with these things, but I’ve always excused them. “I can teach him to change.” Except it’s been 10years of marriage, 12years together, and no matter what I said, did, or tried, he was never able to grasp what was wrong. Now that I’ve started to grow into who I am, be more assertive about what I want and what I need to be happy, I’ve realized that if I met him today as a stranger, we might be friends, but I would never want to be involved in a romantic relationship with him.

He can’t make me happy, and staying with him will continue to make him unhappy. That’s the bottom line.

I don’t really know what the next steps are going to be. I have emailed the couples therapist about separation counseling. I’ve texted my own therapist about an extra appointment this week to help me cope. I’ve looked into “Collaborative Divorce” options, but I’m not sure how to get started there.

My biggest worry right now, besides the obvious “What am I gonna do, where am I gonna go?”, is….

How do I tell my parents?

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2 thoughts on “The Decision

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